


Security

by JJHomes043



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Body Worship, Forehead Kisses, Implied/Referenced Sex, Insecurity, Light Angst, Lingerie, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Neck Kissing, but big mark lee is there to help him feel better, donghyuck doesn't feel very good about his body, donghyuck is insecure, first I love you, mark lee is boyfriend of the year yall, this is just cute yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 23:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JJHomes043/pseuds/JJHomes043
Summary: Donghyuck is feeling insecure about his body and when Mark finds out he makes it his mission to make sure Donghyuck knows he's perfect.—Basically just 6.5k or something of Donghyuck feeling sad and Mark loving him.





	Security

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY!! so if you dont like vomit, there's brief mention of it. no details, just Donghyuck throws up (twice but during the same time frame) so you might want to skip it.
> 
> body confidence is important yall and ive been feeling a lil down so yk we have this. i love donghyuck so much and i think he's so pretty so yk this isnt hate. 
> 
> okay so they have sex twice. no details, but it's v obviously. basically the buildup and then the aftermath. they're both 20 or 20+ in this so no underage characters (even tho in the uk they can legally do the frick frack)
> 
> enjoyyyy

Donghyuck stares at himself in the bathroom mirror. He's holding a fistful of his thigh, not liking the way it spills from his fingers. His frown deepens. 

Donghyuck is on a diet. Jaemin had been talking about how much weight he'd lost in his legs lately and how all those squats were definitely doing wonders for his ass. Apparently he's really happy with his results. 

Donghyuck wants small thighs and a small waist. He wants a nice ass and a toned stomach. 

He pokes at his stomach. His heart sinks when it hits soft fat instead of hard abs. 

A knock breaks him out of his examination and he hurriedly pulls his sweater over his head and his shorts up his thighs. 

"Hyuckie?" His boyfriend calls from the other side of the bathroom door. "Dinner is ready."

Donghyuck pulls the door open and smiles at Mark. "Okay."

Mark steps into the bathroom, letting his arms fall around Donghyuck’s waist. His fingers hook onto his belt loops and tug him closer. 

"Everything okay?" Mark studies his eyes. "You look down. Do you want to have a movie night?" 

Donghyuck shakes his head as his arms link behind Mark's neck. "No. I'm okay. We can have a movie night if you'd like."

"It's up to you, princess." Mark leans in to peck Donghyuck’s nose. "Now," He squeezes Donghyuck’s waist, "Dinner."

They eat their spaghetti with some music playing in the background. They're silent apart from Mark occasionally telling a story or asking a question. 

Donghyuck only eats half his meal and pushes his plate towards Mark. "I'm full. I'm feeling a little sick. It was amazing though."

He waits until Mark is done before gathering the dishes and washing them. Mark had left to set up the movie but comes back in to make popcorn. 

While the bag is being microwaved, Mark slides up behind Donghyuck. He buries his nose in the younger's neck while his arms pull him closer. He hums along to the song playing, slowly swaying them. 

Donghyuck melts. He loves when his boyfriend goes all soft on him. When he's having a bad day he can always rely on Mark to make it better. 

He presses his lips to Donghyuck’s neck and soon he's trailing open-mouthed kisses down it. Donghyuck lets out short pants as Mark gradually starts to suck. 

"M-mark," Donghyuck pants, pushing into him with his butt to try and stop him. His hands are soaking wet and covered in suds and he isn't mean enough to place them on Mark. 

Mark stops where his mouth was, kissing the Mark he made. "Love you, Hyuck."

The microwave beeps. Donghyuck’s heart does a flip. "Love you too."

They watch the new Spiderman movie, Donghyuck making jokes here and there. It ends with them curled up on the couch, fast asleep in each others arms. 

The first sign of insecurity that Donghyuck shows to Mark is when they're getting ready to go out clubbing with their friends. Mark is dressed in his favourite skinny jeans and a black shirt. He looks good. Figure slim yet muscular. 

Donghyuck frowns at his outfit. Ripped jeans with fishnets underneath and a loose white shirt. The shirt is too big and normally Donghyuck liked the way it made him look small but now he hates it. He doesn't want to look skinny and weak. He wants to look like Jaemin or Jeno or Mark.

"Can you pass me my black t-shirt?" Donghyuck asks Mark, who's sitting on the bed on his phone. He groans but complies, bringing the top to his boyfriend. 

"Are you changing your top?" Mark squints at him over his shoulder. 

"Yeah," Donghyuck slips his white shirt over his head and lets it fall to a heap at his feet. "Makes me look lanky," Donghyuck mumbles. 

Mark frowns too and picks up the shirt. "I like this better. You look really good in it."

"I don't. It shows how skinny my arms are because the rest is so big. I can't explain it," Donghyuck puts on the black t-shirt and tucks it into his jeans. It's tight fitting and it'd look a lot nicer if he was stronger but at least his arms look bigger. 

"Okay, but your arms aren't lanky or anything. You look stunning, Hyuck."

Donghyuck fights off the blush and ignores the compliment because he's his boyfriend, of course he'd say that. 

Donghyuck is definitely a little drunk. Mark had found him dancing with Jaemin and is now helping him outside, an Uber waiting for them. 

Donghyuck is quiet on the way home, his fingers playing with the rips in his jeans. Mark places a hand on his thigh, rubbing circles into it. 

A blush crawls up Donghyuck’s face before he swats Mark's hand away, not wanting Mark to comment on his thighs. Not until he loses weight in them. 

Finally getting through the front door, Donghyuck is starting to become loud. It happens when he's drunk sometimes. "Markie," He whines while Mark reheats some food for them. 

"Yes, Hyuck?"

"Do you," Donghyuck pauses as he gets a little lightheaded. He lets Mark steady him and covers his hands with his own. "Do you like my body?" 

"What do you mean?" Mark's brows are knit together when Donghyuck looks at up at him. 

"Do you like my body? Or could I be thinner? Or thicker? Or stronger? If you could change anything about my body, what would it be?" 

Mark answers without a drop of hesitation. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're more than perfect the way you are, baby. Are you worried about your body?" 

"No, I was just wondering," He dismisses it quickly, instead changing the subject to something that happened to him when he was at the library the other day. 

Mark places the microwaved spaghetti in front of Donghyuck and passes him a fork. "I should be on a diet," Donghyuck mumbles to himself. "But does this count?" 

His boyfriend raises his head to smile at him. "What was that, sunshine?" 

Donghyuck blushes and shoves a forkful of spaghetti and sauce into his mouth. "Nothing," He says around it. 

Mark runs a hand through his hair. "You look really good tonight. I'm surprised I didn't take you home earlier just to fuck you but I know you wanted a good night out. Did you enjoy yourself?" 

Donghyuck splutters at Mark's bluntness but answers the question regardless. "Yeah, Jaemin had a good rant about Jeno, apparently he's been spending too much time with some Doyoung guy and Jae is worried that Jeno is gonna leave him or something. But like, you must be blind to leave Jaemin, that man is handsome."

"And good in bed, according to Jeno," Mark adds, fetching them cups of water to add to their luxury reheated meal. 

"Better be according to Jeno," Donghyuck teases, placing his fork in the plastic tub, he's meant to be on a diet. "Do you think Jaemin and Jeno are the best looking couple in our group?" 

Mark hums and hands the cup to Donghyuck. "No, probably Jaehyun and Taeyong."

"Good point," Donghyuck takes a gulp, and then another, and then one more. "Taeyong is so pretty and Jaehyun is just hot. They'd be the perfect models."

"I think they come second, Jeno and Jaemin third, then Johnny and Ten in fourth," Mark counts down on his hand. "You know who is number one?" 

"Yuta and Sicheng?" 

"Us," Mark cheekily grins and plops some spaghetti in his mouth and chewing soundly but Donghyuck doesn't mind. Mark could just breathe and Donghyuck would applaud. 

Donghyuck pretends to throw up, turning away from Mark. "God, you cheesy shit."

"You don't agree?" 

Donghyuck hums. "You're very handsome. Very model worthy. I think if you and Taeyong or Jaemin were dating it'd be out of this world but mix me in and," Donghyuck trails off. He grabs his phone off the table and checks the time. "Woah it's late. Come cuddle with me?" 

Mark frowns and scrapes the pasta into the food waste bin. "Add you in and we all look like trolls. Hyuck you're stunning and I think you alone count for two very attractive people."

"If you say so," Donghyuck makes grabby hands at Mark. "But please, I'm drunk and tired and I want cuddles. Are you going to deny me cuddles?" 

"Of course not. Go get changed and in bed and I'll clean up," Mark slips by Donghyuck to place the cleaned tumblewear into the cupboard behind him. With a tap on Donghyuck’s back, Mark ushers him away. 

Donghyuck giggles and runs for the bedroom, the remaining alcohol still giving him a buzz. He changes into a massive t-shirt that falls off his shoulders and strips into his boxers. With the light switched off and phone on charge, Donghyuck crawls into bed. He flops onto the pillows and as much as he wanted to wait for cuddles, he can't help his eyes from falling shut. 

The gym is almost empty aside from a middle aged woman on the treadmill. Donghyuck is on his sixtieth squat when his legs give out. After an hour of intense exercise and another hour of muscle building, Donghyuck is in agony. His legs ache from his heels to his butt. 

His music is loud but it still can't drown out the beating of his heart. 

A moment goes by and he just lays on the gym mats. 

A worker approaches him. She's small but looks like she could be terrifying. "Hi sir. It's my job to check up on my clients as they are my concern and I think you should leave. You've pushed yourself and I cannot allow it any longer."

The ceiling is spinning and his stomach is rolling in discomfort. He runs out from the gym, leaving his water and phone behind, and darts into the nearest bathroom. 

He vomits into the toilet, knees sore from the force he used to throw himself down. Knuckles white and gripping the edge of the toilet seat, he hears the door open. 

He's stopped throwing up now, just heaving into the toilet. It's the woman from earlier. She crouches down beside him and immediately her eyes soften. "Sir, I'm going to call someone to come get you on your phone, who would you like me to call?" 

"Mark," Donghyuck rasps, before turning around and unloading the rest of his stomach. The space beside him is empty apart from his water bottle. He grabs it and gurgles some water in his mouth in an attempt to get rid of the disgusting taste. 

"I've called him. Do you think you can walk to the medical room?" The worker—Hyejin, according to her name tag—places his phone next to him. 

Donghyuck shakes his head. "How did you…" 

"You left it unlocked," She explains with a smile. "Would you like me to wait with you for Mark?" 

"Yes please," The room is spinning again and Donghyuck gets light headed. "Woah," He steadies himself with the hand on the toilet. 

"Are you feeling okay?"

Donghyuck goes to nod but instead his head feels full and fuzzy and it's falling. His head hits the ground and he's out. 

There's a rumble against his ear. His head bounces. His head hurts. Donghyuck groans. All movement stops. 

"Hyuckie? Hyuck, baby, are you okay?" Mark is placing him down, Donghyuck falling lifeless in the chair. Mark kneels in front of him, eyes big and filled with pure worry. "I'm sorry baby."

Donghyuck groans. He doesn't want to speak. He feels like he's about to pass out. Again. He reaches for Mark's hand and squeezes it. "Home."

Mark's scooping him up again and almost jogging to the car. Donghyuck is placed in the passenger seat. 

Donghyuck groans again. That's all he can form it seems. It's too hot. Way too hot. "Mark, too hot."

Just having sat down, Mark closes his door, starts the car and rolls the windows down. 

Donghyuck sighs– oh look, something other than a groan. "Sorry," Donghyuck says, eyes still shut and arm resting out the window. His head is thrown back to catch the breeze that flows in as Mark begins to drive. 

A hand slides onto his thigh and Donghyuck places his own hand over it, not pushing it away this time. "For what? I'm sorry for not getting here sooner. The worker said you might have a stomach flu because that's what it looks like to her."

Donghyuck shrugs, "Don't know."

"Let's get you in bed when we're home, yeah? I'll make soup and try not to burn it. The lady said you're to take a break from the gym because apparently you've been pushing yourself too hard."

Donghyuck sinks his teeth into his bottom lip. His face starts to burn and he feels like a child who has been caught doing something they aren't supposed to do. "Just getting into shape."

There's a beat of silent and Mark squeezes Donghyuck’s thigh. "Okay, but you need to take care of yourself, Hyuck. Lately you've been pushing yourself more and more and eating less and–" 

Donghyuck cuts him off. "Mark, please," His voice cracks and even to himself he sounds desperate. "Not now."

"Okay," Mark breathes. "Okay." He turns his hand upwards to hold Donghyuck’s instead of his thigh. 

It's comforting and familiar but it seems like Mark is picking up on things that Donghyuck doesn't want him too.

Mark makes soup. It's tasty and warm and makes Donghyuck feel a lot better. He's made a pillow nest on their bed with Mark now behind him and Donghyuck between his legs. 

They're watching a movie when Mark's hand snakes around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him closer. "I love you," Mark whispers against his ear.

It's gentle and a surprise and Donghyuck is experiencing a lot of emotions. He knows it's silly but one second he's fine the next he's sobbing. 

Mark loosens his grip and spins him around. "What's wrong?" He whispers, wiping away Donghyuck’s tears with a tissue from beside the box on their bedside table. 

"Nothing, I'm just not feeling very well and I get emotional," Donghyuck explains through gasps and hiccups. 

Mark coos and cups his cheeks. "Aw, baby. You'll feel better soon."

Donghyuck nods and falls against Mark, head on his chest. He stares up at his boyfriend and man is he in love with him. "I love you too."

Mark grins and connects their lips. It must hurt his neck but who cares. Donghyuck pulls away before it can turn into anything more intense. 

They wordlessly reposition themselves until their limbs are tangled together and Donghyuck falls asleep against Mark's chest, Mark laughing quietly at the movie. 

Donghyuck isn't sick anymore. He got over the bug quite quickly. Mark still hasn't brought up Donghyuck pushing himself. Good, Donghyuck is still sensitive. 

It's late when he comes back from Jaemin’s, slightly tipsy. He has different moods when drunk; clingy, whiny, horny, fun and sad. And tonight he feels like a diluted version of them all. 

He dumps his shoes on the floor and tiptoes through the hall. "Mark," He calls. He shouldn't wake Mark if he's sleeping, he knows that. But he's selfish and is looking for some sort of validation. 

"Mark," Donghyuck whines, tripping while walking into their room. Mark is on the bed, glasses on and a book in his hands. "Mark!" Donghyuck exclaims, running towards the bed. 

He lands on it and crawls onto Mark's lap, pushing the book aside. He sits on Mark's thighs and holds his face in his hands, smiling widely. 

"Hi, baby," Mark runs his hands over Donghyuck’s back. "Did you have fun?" 

The younger nods and leans in, capturing Mark's lips slowly. Donghyuck puts as much emotion as he can into the kiss, pushing against the boy eagerly. Mark is kissing back, which is always a good sign. 

But it's never enough for Donghyuck. He sits up tall, forcing Mark to stretch his neck up towards him. Donghyuck pushes his tongue past the seam of Mark's lips and he lets out a little groan. 

Mark isn't pushing him away so he must be somewhat interested. Donghyuck slowly pushes his hips down until they meet Mark's and that breaks the spell. 

Mark pulls away, holding Donghyuck’s face away. He's panting hard and his neck and face are a rosy red. "No, Hyuck," Mark says, stern and almost like he's disappointed in Donghyuck but he knows better and that Mark wants this just as much as him. 

"Please, Markie, just some kisses," Donghyuck pleads, circling his hips. Mark's hands grab and stop them. 

"No, you know you want more. Not tonight, Hyuck, you're drunk," Mark explains, now speaking gentler. 

Donghyuck pouts. "I'm not drunk, I promise. I'm just a little tipsy at the most. If you don't want to fuck or anything that's fine, just let me have a few kisses."

Mark sighs and yep, there's the crack Donghyuck was looking for. His grip loosens and Donghyuck pushes back in, tongue invading Mark's mouth. Mark is working with him, just as intense and enthusiastic. 

There's a moment where Mark allows Donghyuck to bring his hips down. And then another. And then another. And then Donghyuck has started his rhyme, grinding against Mark. 

They're both getting worked up, that's easy to tell. Donghyuck just wants Mark in way he doesn't even know, not just sexually. 

Now Donghyuck pulls away, "Do you want me to stop?" 

"No," Mark doesn't even hesitate and Donghyuck laughs against his lips. He mumbles a 'me too' before starting where he left off. 

Sex with Mark is great. It can be gentle and caring or rough and scary but either way, Donghyuck loves it. He loves Mark. 

But he hasn't been feeling himself lately, hating the way he looks and the way he does stuff. He doesn't want anyone to see his body. But sex means you usually get somewhat naked 

Mark is tugging his shirt up when Donghyuck places a hand over his and stops him. "Can we leave it? I don't want to take it off."

With a peck to his lips and his shirt pulled back down, Mark nods. "Of course."

Donghyuck takes the lead and makes sure that it's hard for Mark to see his body. The only light is from their lamp beside them and Donghyuck turns it off, kissing away Mark's look of confusion. 

Donghyuck manages to maneuver the blanket around his shoulders, covering what he doesn't want seen. Mark is slow and lets Donghyuck do it without question. As long as he's comfortable, Donghyuck guesses. 

Kisses are pressed into his face and neck and words about his body are whispered into skin. 'You're so pretty', 'Your thighs are so nice', 'I love you Donghyuck'. 

This is what Donghyuck was wanting, Mark to make him feel something and help him forget, even for a second, that his diet isn't going to plan, he isn't losing weight as fast as he wants. 

When they've both finished, Donghyuck before Mark, Mark cleans them up and gets them changed into fresh pajamas. He pulls Donghyuck to his chest and peppers kisses along his neck. 

"You're so amazing, baby. I don't know what's going on with you right now but just know that I'm here to talk and help you," Mark tangles their legs together as he speaks, "I want you to tell me so I can help because that's how relationships work but I understand. Just please stay safe, can you promise me that you'll keep yourself healthy and safe?" 

Donghyuck nods but his mind is screaming. No. He can't promise that. But Mark is sleepy and won't remember their conversation in the morning so a little lie is okay. 

"Thank you. Love you, Donghyuck," Mark links their hands over Donghyuck’s stomach. 

Donghyuck doesn't reply, worry and guilt eating away at him.

He found the trick. Limit food intake, increase exercise. It's working. When he grabs a handful of his thighs, he's delighted to see that it sits comfortably in his hand. Not major progress. But at least it was some. 

He meant to lock the door. He always locks the bathroom door. But Mark is out and it slipped his mind 

Donghyuck is scowling at the size of his calves, holding onto them so tightly that his knuckles were a ghostly white and there's multiple nail shaped cuts forming. He hisses as he lets go. 

He moves to his stomach, poking around and covering it with his hand. He sucks in. That's what he wants. A flat stomach. 

Tears prickle his eyes because this isn't working. He needs to sort his body out and it just isn't working. He doesn't get it, when Mark wanted to lose weight and gain muscle it seemed like it magically happened over night. Why is it always different for Donghyuck?

It's always been different, even the small things. He was smaller than he'd like to be, different from the kids at school who had shot up and had soon been towering over him. He wasn't pale like the rest of his class, he got breakouts on his foreheads sometimes and no one else did. It annoyed him. 

He wasn't only sad now, he was angry. Why did he have to he different? He couldn't even keep his boyfriend happy, Mark noticing that something was off and unnecessarily worrying. 

If he kept this up Mark might even break up with him and he wouldn't blame him. Donghyuck wasn't the prettiest, wasn't the smartest and Mark deserves the very best and Donghyuck can't give him that, not like this. 

He doesn't want to say the word. If he says it then he sounds pathetic and weak. But there's nothing else to say. He's _insecure_. 

He hates it because now he sounds whiny and people will pity him and compliment him because they feel like they have to. 

Clothes falling out of his hand, Donghyuck drops to the floor, hands gripping his hair. He wants to stop thinking. Stop time. Stop everything, just for a second. 

The door creaks open but Donghyuck doesn't want to look up. He wants everything to stop and Mark to go away and for the door to still be closed. 

Mark falls down beside him, circling his arms around him and pulling him closer. He doesn't speak, doesn't ask questions, just holds Donghyuck and rubs his back while he cries. 

His clothes are still deserted on the floor meaning he's naked apart from his underwear. Mark can see the bruises and almost all of him and judge him but Donghyuck doesn't care. He knows Mark won't stick around after this. 

And the thought breaks his heart, more than anything else he's ever imagined and he cries harder, clutching at Mark's shoulder because Mark can't leave.

"Don't leave," He chokes out, pulling Mark impossibly close. "Please, I'll change and I'll get better."

He'd always had an issue with saying 'I love you'. Mark and him had been known each other since Donghyuck was born and they'd been together since they were 14. And for those entire 6 years of being together, Donghyuck has never said I love you first. 

'I love you _too_ 's were easy. But initiating it and saying it first was scary and Mark insisted he fully understood. 

Now, holding onto Mark as hard as he ever has, it feels easy and Donghyuck needs Mark to know that he does love him and he can't leave him. 

"I love you," Donghyuck rushes out, "I love you so much and you can't leave and I need you so much and I don't know what I would do without you."

Mark presses a kiss to the top of his hair. "I love you too. I'm not going anywhere." By his voice Donghyuck can tell he's crying and his chest tightens because he made Mark cry. 

Time seems to stop, just like Donghyuck wanted. They stay huddled up on the bathroom floor in silence. After what could be hours or days, Mark starts humming. 

Donghyuck recognises it straight away. It's the song they'd made in highschool with their friends. They were stupid and young but their teacher insisted on a group song. They'd gotten Jisung's brother, Taeyong, to help them compose it. 

Mark starts to sway them to his humming. It's broken and dips out at certain parts but it's nice. 

"Renjunie's part is my favourite," Donghyuck whispers to fill the silence. Donghyuck manages to get some distance between them and smiles at Mark, guilt seeping into his eyes. 

Mark's cheeks are red and his eyes are slightly puffy. Donghyuck knows he looks 10 times worse. 

With a sad smile, Mark plants a kiss on Donghyuck’s forehead. He keeps his lips there while he talks, "You want to go to bed?" 

"Yeah," Donghyuck breathes and again he feels like a guilty child. Mark stands up, helps Donghyuck up, and then collects the abandoned clothes. 

As soon as they're under the covers and Mark has gotten them into some sleepwear, Donghyuck curls into Mark's chest, arms wrapped around him. "I don't want to talk about it right now, I promise I'll tell you everything in the morning."

Mark sighs. He sounds tired. "Okay, I'll cancel work tomorrow."

Donghyuck doesn't work since he'd just finished college, he was waiting to start his new job at a restaurant in the city but he had a few weeks left until his start date. Useless, his mind spits at him but he just inches closer to Mark as if he'd save him from it. "Goodnight, Mark."

"Goodnight, Donghyuck." And no 'I love you', no nickname. Donghyuck always thought they'd stay together to the very end. But now that thought isn't looking so good. 

The space next to him is cold when he wakes up. Donghyuck sits up. A stabbing sensation of panic wake him up faster and he stumbles out of bed. Where is Mark? Did he leave him already?

A lump settles in his throat and his head hurts while he resists tears. "Mark?" He calls, voice watery. 

"In here!" His boyfriend shouts from the kitchen and Donghyuck almost runs to him. He lands in his chest, grabbing at Mark's back. "Hey, what's up?" 

Donghyuck’s breathing is uneven and he's still panicking. He can't seem to calm down. Mark sits him at the table and holds his hands. "Hyuck, watch me. Breath with me." 

He copies his breathing, heart rate starting to slow. A few tears have slipped down his cheeks and Mark hastily wipes them away with his thumb. "It's a new day. A new day, a new start. You wanna finish making pancakes with me?" 

"Yeah," His legs wobble under him but he balances himself before Mark can say anything. A shiver runs down his spine and he whines under his breath. Mark wordlessly hands him his hoodie. 

They make pancakes in silence. Donghyuck sets the table while Mark decorates the stacks. When it's placed in front of him, Donghyuck’s eyes light up. 

Six pancakes tall and drowning in syrup Mark's mum sends from Canada. There's a few blueberries and strawberries dotted on top, making a smiley face and a love heart on the bottom of the plate. . 

"Bon appetit," Mark grins, digging into his breakfast. 

Donghyuck takes his time. Eating slowly and being careful not to get covered in stickiness. A song is playing on the radio Mark must've turned on. Donghyuck hums. "I haven't heard this song before. It's nice."

Mark just nods and Donghyuck can tell something is bothering him. They've been friends for years and Donghyuck can see right through him. It feels like they're stepping on eggshells around each other but Donghyuck can't be bothered anymore. "What's wrong?" 

"I-uh. You said you'd tell me what's been going on," Mark fidgets with his hands, avoiding eye contact. "I just wanna know if its something I've done or if you're gonna break up with me."

"What? Why would I break up with you?" Donghyuck almost laughs. He does laugh. "You should be the one breaking up with me?" 

Mark squints at the half empty plate in front of him. "Why? Did you, like cheat on me or something?" 

"No, I'd never cheat on you," Donghyuck’s voice goes small and he loses all the confidence he had a second ago. "It's just me."

"Just you? What do you mean?" 

"I mean," He takes in a deep breath. "I've been having some issues, I guess, lately and you seemed to have noticed and I don't know what you're thinking."

"Well," Mark reaches for Donghyuck’s hand. "Why don't you tell me what's been going on and I'll tell you what I'm thinking."

"Okay," No backing out now. So Donghyuck tells Mark everything. Everything from the conversation he had with Jaemin to the way he's been feeling to him wanting to just be good enough for Mark. Mark sits through it all, listening and encouraging him. When he's done, Mark is quiet, taking it all in. 

"Say something," Donghyuck whispers, tightening his grip on Mark's hand. 

"I'm sorry that I didn't notice. I'm an awful boyfriend. You're so important to me and I thought you just needed some time because I'd done something. Please tell me the next time something like this happens because I'll be there for you and I'll help you through it," Mark squeezes Donghyuck’s hands. 

"I promise I'm not just saying this because you've told me this but you're so beautiful, Donghyuck. You're so pretty and handsome and every other synonym I can think of. And your legs are perfect, they're cute and strong and healthy and being healthy is so important. Your arms aren't tiny, they're slim but they're strong as well. 

"I love you so much that I can't even begin to explain it. I don't know what I'd do without you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you so please just tell me this stuff. You aren't pathetic for being insecure, it's normal."

Mark laughs and Donghyuck squints at him. Donghyuck had a pretty good cry while talking so he knows he looks a state. 

"God, Hyuck. I thought you'd realised you hated me or something. You'll probably argue but I think we should see a doctor, you haven't been taking care of yourself and fainting and being tired all the time sounds like anemia. Maybe we could run a blood test to make sure your nutrition levels are normal, yeah? We don't need to say anything about you feeling like this unless you do. 

"But just know I'll be with you 100% of the way," Mark slides out of his seat and onto the floor beside Donghyuck. He's kneeling beside him, head resting on his thighs with their hands still linked. "Look," Mark detangles his hand from Donghyuck’s own to rest it on his thigh. "Pillow."

Donghyuck barks out a laugh. It's loud and ugly but he's happy. He can't stop laughing and soon Mark is too, hand dancing on his leg. 

"Wanna watch cheesy dramas and cuddle?" Donghyuck asks, eyes somewhat brighter than they'd been the past couple weeks. Mark happily agrees. 

Accepting that it'll take a while to get his ideal body is hard. He still dislikes the way he looks but he knows he'll eventually get what he wants. 

He's just come back from the gym, the apartment silent. "Mark, I'm home!" They have a thing. When Donghyuck comes back from the gym they sit and rest, sometimes going for a bath together or just watching TV. It's nice. 

Mark has become a little obsessed with Donghyuck’s body, praising it whenever he can and just reminding him how perfect he is. 

"Mark?" He searches the kitchen. No Mark. The living room. No Mark. The bathroom. No Mark. The bedroom– oh. 

Mark is sitting on the bed, a hoodie and just some underwear on. There's a box wrapped in pretty paper and Donghyuck is sure it's for himself. 

He must've heard Donghyuck pushing open the door because he looks up and smiles widely. "Hi, baby. How was the gym?" 

"Uhm, good. Just the same," Donghyuck’s eyes are shifting from Mark to the box, curiosity kicking in. "What's that?" He can't help himself from asking. 

"This," Mark stands up and stretches his legs. He uses Donghyuck’s hand to lead him over to the box. "Is for you. I'm so proud of you and I think you deserve a little gift."

Donghyuck goes to open the box but Mark stops him. "Go take it into the bathroom and come back and see me." Mark kisses his forehead and sends him off with a pat on his butt. 

A squeak slips past Donghyuck’s lips and he rushes away. He locks the bathroom door and unties the neat bow. Gently, he peels off the wrapping paper and places it at the side. 

He lifts off the lid and oh. It's clothes. He pulls it out and no, it's not clothes. It's lingerie. Donghyuck’s face heats up. 

It's a black one piece with stockings. He turns it over in his hands before slowly taking off his shirt. He leaves his workout clothes in the washing basket and pulls on the outfit. 

It's tight but comfortable. A look in the mirror tells him that it suits him. It's fit against his chest and sides, dipping in at his waist. His butt looks amazing. The stockings are nice, high and fitting. 

He digs his hand around the tissue paper in the box to see if he missed anything. He did. There's a well sized dildo with a remote control and a bottle of lube. He buries the items back in the box and places the lid back on. 

The hallway is cold on his skin. He shivers but shuffles back to their bedroom. Mark is on his phone, sitting on the edge on the bed. Donghyuck clears his throat. 

"Oh look at you," Mark beams. Donghyuck waddles over and hand Mark the box, Mark puts it to the side and pats his thigh. Donghyuck sits down, stiff with embarrassment. "So pretty, baby."

Donghyuck pouts and taps his lips. Mark surges forward. It's hot and messy but Donghyuck didn't expect anything else. Soon he's lying on the bed, kisses being pressed into his neck, then his chest, then his thighs. 

He could get high off this, he thinks, Mark worshipping him and showering him in love. It's addicting. 

It's a long night, Donghyuck experiencing pleasure after pleasure. Mark takes his time, making sure Donghyuck is comfortable and knows how much Mark loves him. 

Donghyuck is exhausted. He's stripped of his lingerie now, lying on the bed naked. Mark told him to be a good boy and stay awake for him but his eyes are shutting on their own accord. 

"Aw, Hyuckie. Let me clean you up then we can sleep," Mark is beside him again, wiping him down with a warm cloth. Donghyuck whines, extremely sensitive. 

Mark giggles and then he's alone again. Donghyuck doesn't even have the energy to move. His thighs ache, from being at the gym and the bruising hickeys Mark left. 

He's being shifted, Mark tucking them in under the blanket. They cuddle up together as if it's their second nature and Donghyuck sighs. 

"Love you, Markie. You make everything better," Donghyuck kisses his hand. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, sweetie."

Their friends are over. It's chaotic. It always is. Chenle is somewhere in the cupboard, claiming he's on his way to Narnia. Jisung is standing outside the cupboard door, holding it closed, out of kindness or hatred Donghyuck has no idea. Jaemin is hanging off of Jeno, complaining that he doesn't love him anymore. Jeno looks annoyed but Donghyuck knows better. Renjun is sitting beside Donghyuck, rolling his eyes at his friends. Mark is making dinner. 

"I hate all of them, you know," Renjun says, glaring at Jisung who is making faces at him.

Donghyuck grins and slaps Renjun's shoulder. "Sure."

He gets up and wanders away, searching for his boyfriend. "Mark Lee," he whines, making grabby hands as he walks towards him. 

The man in question grins, opening an arm for Donghyuck to tuck himself under. "Lee Donghyuck."

"The Lee's," Donghyuck teases, "Has a nice ring to it."

Mark hums in agreement and Donghyuck reaches up to kiss him. Mark pulls him closer by his shoulder and Donghyuck melts against his chest. 

"Hyung? Ew, gross! Renjun, they're kissing again!" Jisung shouts from the kitchen doorway, staring at the couple in horror. 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "Damn kids," he jokes. "What do you want?" 

"Water."

"Help yourself," Donghyuck leans back up to kiss Mark and Jisung screams. 

"Please, I just want water!" Jisung whines, covering his eyes and trying to blindly get to the fridge. He walks into the table and bangs his knee, landing on the ground with a thud. 

Donghyuck sighs and goes to help him up. "Ew! Homo hands!" Jisung screeches and runs. 

"Homo hands?" Mark raises his eyebrows at Donghyuck. With an eye roll, Donghyuck goes after Jisung. 

They eat dinner with only a little bit ending up on the floor. Jisung is on washing up duty since he spilled the food. They're crammed onto the little couches, Jisung joining Chenle on the chair. There's a movie on but no one is paying attention. 

"I made tacos yesterday and I come in 5 minutes later and Jeno is feeding the taco meat to the cat as if it's her dinner," Jaemin scrunches his face up when Jeno tries to agrue. "He didn't even apologise, just said she needs to eat too."

"But he's right," Donghyuck pipes up. He's tucked up against Mark in cuddle™ mode. "If we had a cat I'd do the same. Mark, can we get a cat?" 

"No."

Everyone laughs and Donghyuck pouts. 

"Hyuckie, how's the whole working out thing coming along?" Jaemin asks, everyone's eyes now suddenly on Donghyuck’s body. 

He shrinks into Mark who places a comforting hand on his back, as if reminding him that he's here and it's going to be okay. Donghyuck smiles. "It's going okay."

"Just okay?" Chenle bursts out, "Your butt looks great!" Renjun smacks him on the back of the head and he whines. 

"Thank you," Donghyuck says and that's the end of it. He sighs in relief and Mark pats his back gently. 

Later, when everyone is away home, Mark grabs him by the waist and spins him around. Donghyuck laughs loudly, letting Mark pull him around. "You," Mark pecks his forehead with every word. "Did." Peck. "Amazing." Peck. "Today." Peck. 

They fall onto the couch. "Seriously, I'm so proud. You're doing so well and I hope you don't feel as insecure as you used to."

Donghyuck shakes his head no and kisses Mark. "Thanks to you. I love you."

"I love you too."

Donghyuck’s body isn't ideal, isn't perfect, isn't the way he'd like it to be but it's getting there. And Mark loves it and Donghyuck is starting to love it too.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh yeah, lemme know if you notice any mistakes or anything. lemme know if you liked it. so pls leave some kudos and comments bc i like reading them. here's my [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/jjhomes043) for prompts or whatever.
> 
> if any of you feel like this then pls talk to someone, it can be me (@ncrackt on insta), a therapist, a friend, family member, a stranger, just anyone. stuff like this is serious. 
> 
> anywayyy, have a good night or day and stay safe!!!


End file.
